If you are a parent, then you know that parenting can be very difficult even when things are going well, but it’s even more difficult when you are making your way through a divorce. Not only are you dealing with your own emotions that you must work through, but your children are also dealing with their own experiences as they adjust to the fact that their parents are no longer living together in a relationship. The first thing you need to do in the divorce process, of course, is to contact a divorce lawyer in Pleasanton CA. Once you get the process started, there are some things you should focus on to make the transition from a two-parent home to a one-parent home as easy as possible for the children involved.
A Pleasanton family lawyer has seen it all when it comes to divorces and how people deal with their children. Below is a detailed list of mistakes that you should try to avoid during the divorce process and afterward.
Messaging Between the Parents
Do not have your children be the messenger between you and your soon to be ex-spouse. You both are adults, and you need to communicate with each other on your own and leave the children out of it. By having your child relay messages between you and your X, you are putting too much responsibility and pressure on them in need to work on honing your own communication skills with your ex to make things as easy as possible for your children.
Do Not Quiz the Children
Although it may be tempting to ask your child what happened at your ex-spouse’s home, including if they had a nice time, what they ate for supper, or what daddy’s new girlfriend looks like. Kids do not like to be interrogated any more than adults do, and they need to be able to enjoy their time with their other parent without feeling like they have to take notes for their other parents. It makes them feel like they are betraying one of their parents by answering the questions that the other parent has for them and you should just simply let your kids tell you what they want to share with you without any prompting.
Do Not Speak Negatively About Other Parent
It is easy to say negative things about someone who has her too or betrayed you. Even though you feel like your life has been ripped apart by, for example, a cheating spouse, you need to put your children’s feelings above your own in avoid saying negative things about your former spouse in front of them or to them. They have a right to love both of their parents equally and they can make decisions on their own about different situations that occur. Your Pleasanton divorce attorney can explain to you the detrimental effects that parental alienation can have on a child custody case.
Avoid Fighting in Front of the Kids
Kids have probably seen and heard enough arguing and fighting while the two of you were still together leading up to the separation, so they certainly do not need to witness any more arguments or fights after their parents have split up. If you have a bone to pick with your ex or there needs to be a serious discussion, you should do this over the foam and the children are not around or in person without the kids being involved. Fighting in front of the children can have a very negative effect on their mental and emotional well-being and the whole idea of divorcing a partner you could not get along with properly is to start a fresh, new life that is filled with positivity and avoid the negative stuff.
Withholding Child Support
A Pleasanton divorce lawyer can help you garner child support or set up payments if you are the one that is ordered to pay it. He or she will also explain to you that by withholding child support because you are angry with the other parent will be detrimental to your divorce case. A good Pleasanton child support attorney will explain that the child support is a responsibility of parenting and courts frown on people, and in some cases, jail people who refuse to pay.